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Encountering denial, especially when it occurs frequently, is anything but enjoyable. An editor is declining your work, giving a clear “Nope.” As a writer, I am well acquainted with setbacks. I commenced submitting story ideas half a century past, just after finishing university. Since then, I have had two novels turned down, along with nonfiction proposals and many pieces. Over the past score of years, specializing in personal essays, the denials have multiplied. In a typical week, I get a setback multiple times weekly—totaling more than 100 times a year. Cumulatively, denials in my profession number in the thousands. By now, I could claim a PhD in handling no’s.

However, is this a complaining rant? Far from it. Since, at last, at seven decades plus three, I have accepted being turned down.

How Did I Achieve This?

A bit of background: Now, just about each individual and their distant cousin has said no. I haven’t counted my win-lose ratio—doing so would be deeply dispiriting.

As an illustration: recently, a newspaper editor turned down 20 submissions consecutively before approving one. In 2016, over 50 book publishers vetoed my memoir proposal before a single one accepted it. Later on, 25 agents rejected a project. An editor suggested that I submit potential guest essays less frequently.

My Steps of Setback

Starting out, all rejections stung. I took them personally. It was not just my work was being turned down, but myself.

Right after a manuscript was rejected, I would go through the process of setback:

• Initially, surprise. How could this happen? Why would editors be ignore my talent?
• Second, denial. Certainly it’s the wrong person? This must be an oversight.
• Third, dismissal. What do they know? Who appointed you to judge on my labours? It’s nonsense and their outlet is subpar. I refuse this refusal.
• After that, irritation at them, followed by self-blame. Why would I put myself through this? Am I a martyr?
• Fifth, pleading (often seasoned with delusion). What will it take you to recognise me as a unique writer?
• Then, despair. I lack skill. Worse, I can never become any good.

I experienced this for decades.

Excellent Examples

Naturally, I was in good fellowship. Tales of writers whose manuscripts was at first declined are numerous. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Nearly each renowned author was originally turned down. Because they managed to overcome rejection, then perhaps I could, too. Michael Jordan was dropped from his youth squad. Most Presidents over the last 60 years had been defeated in campaigns. The actor-writer says that his movie pitch and desire to appear were turned down repeatedly. “I take rejection as an alarm to rouse me and get going, not backing down,” he stated.

The Seventh Stage

Later, when I entered my later years, I achieved the final phase of rejection. Acceptance. Today, I better understand the multiple factors why an editor says no. To begin with, an reviewer may have recently run a like work, or be planning one underway, or just be contemplating that idea for another contributor.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my idea is not appealing. Or maybe the editor thinks I lack the credentials or reputation to succeed. Perhaps isn’t in the field for the wares I am submitting. Maybe was too distracted and scanned my piece too fast to appreciate its value.

Go ahead call it an realization. Any work can be turned down, and for whatever cause, and there is almost nothing you can do about it. Certain reasons for denial are always beyond your control.

Your Responsibility

Some aspects are your fault. Honestly, my proposals may sometimes be poorly thought out. They may lack relevance and resonance, or the point I am trying to express is poorly presented. Alternatively I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Or something about my writing style, especially dashes, was unacceptable.

The essence is that, despite all my decades of effort and setbacks, I have managed to get published in many places. I’ve written two books—the initial one when I was middle-aged, the next, a autobiography, at retirement age—and more than a thousand pieces. These works have appeared in publications large and small, in diverse outlets. My first op-ed ran decades ago—and I have now written to many places for half a century.

However, no bestsellers, no signings in bookshops, no appearances on popular shows, no Ted Talks, no honors, no Pulitzers, no Nobel Prize, and no medal. But I can better handle rejection at my age, because my, admittedly modest achievements have eased the stings of my many rejections. I can choose to be philosophical about it all now.

Valuable Rejection

Rejection can be instructive, but only if you heed what it’s indicating. Or else, you will probably just keep interpreting no’s incorrectly. So what lessons have I learned?

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